I'm a Teacher

Friday was interesting to say the least.

I got called by the sub-finder system around 6am... for a high school job that started at 11am and ended at 2:30pm.
Hmm. I think to myself. If you take a job that starts before noon, it counts as a full day of work. AKA- I get paid for the whole day and I get to sleep in and work only three-ish hours.

I accept the job, thinking I've really lucked into something here. Little did I know...

So I got to sleep in (glorious!), and around 10 I got up to head to the school. This school is a high school in my district, and also the most "ghetto" of all the schools. Worst reputation. There are over 3,000 students. People say "oooh" in a pity voice when you say you're going there. It's got the toughest students and the most stretched out facilities.

No big deal to me. I'll be in Junior level English, and I'm not doubting that the students will be given some sort of busy work and I'll just have to make it through the time. I'm not bothered by gangsters, whether they're 12 or 17.

The classroom is what I expected... too small and cramped for the number of students shoved inside. The teacher's desk is overflowing with papers; if it's organized it's in a system I can't recognize. The teacher is a large overweight man with a narrow face (ironic). He verbally informs me that the students are to sit in their groups and read their assigned books. He then leaves the room, telling me casually over his shoulder that in the next period I will have a "co-teacher" because that class is difficult.

Now. I'm not opposed to co-teaching. I have been lucky enough to have experienced it succeeding with my wonderful mentor teacher from my final semester. We worked together through some really tough classes, trading off the duties of instructing, enforcing discipline, modeling work and grading.
So I'm open minded to this co-teacher.

The bell rings, and in comes the co-teacher. She's about mid-forties I'm sure but looks like she's pushing sixty. She has a scowl on her face and crazy thinning old-man hair... I'm a little afraid. She looks like she'd bite me.

She comes over to me and stands by me in the entry to the room.

"My name's Marvis, this is my third day in here. And just so you know," she said in no effort to whisper. "These kids are total turdballs."

Turdballs? Really.
1. Who even uses that word? That sounds like something one of my geekier 7th graders would say.
2. Why are you announcing this loudly to me?

I give her some sort of vague nod and step away to go get the attendance sheets. I don't want to make assumptions about a class before I've met them. Plus I'm turned off by the fact that a grown adult used the word 'turdballs' at all, let alone to describe students.

The kids (I don't know if I can really call them kids, they are all at least 16 and some look much older than that. Over half of them are at least taller and/or all around bigger than me) come in and there are the usual declarations of joy that there's a sub in the room. One girl with a massive lip ring pokes me in the shoulder and in an actual whisper tells me "Marvis is shit crazy." I give her a smile that I hope is equal parts "thanks for telling me- and -okay that's your opinion."

I get the class quiet by the method of just standing at the front of the room calmly leaning on the teacher's podium... just smiling a little and tapping the attendance sheet in my hand. It takes so much less effort than yelling and the students feel awkward with me just staring at them and so they get quiet in a few minutes.

So I start to call roll; "Axel Alvarez?"

Marvis doesn't like what's going on with the students. My roll call is interrupted by her sharp voice, "Rosa! Don't slouch! Sit up!"

The students all titter and make comments and I've lost the quiet I had obtained. I mentally frown at Marvis. Who cares if she's slouching? How does that bother me calling roll?

I resume calling names and am halted twice more by Marvis snapping at a student to stop leaning back in their chair and another to stop looking out the window.

Finally finally finally roll is finished and now is the time for me to give the students their assignment. I try to keep a casual air about it, telling the students that they are supposed to read but if they aren't going to read, there's no way I can make them and all I ask is that they do something else for school or put their head down. The point is not to disturb others who want to read. It's their choice.

I've used this strategy before, mostly in student teaching classes but it's turned out to be infinitely useful in subbing. I've found that when you're really upfront about the expectations and then give students multiple choices, they usually pick the objective you want them to do anyway.

Marvis really dislikes this. She is glaring at me from across the room as I'm speaking and a second after I've concluded she clears her throat obnoxiously. "No! That's not what you guys are supposed to be doing, you have to read." She stares at me. "There are no other options to do something else or put your head down. You don't get naps."

The kids are protesting this loudly and I don't even know what to say. The kid's objections are getting more boisterous.

"Why you so bossy?"
"But my math crap is due next period!"
"We get to choose!"
"Nah miss, you heard the teacher!"

That last remark must have been the last straw on Marvis' back. "You heard the teacher."
She gives the student that dared to utter such a remark a scathing glare then points her finger right at me.

"She is a substitute, I am a teacher!!"

Whoa.

Um, okay.

I don't even know what to do, or say. I stay rooted to my spot by the podium as the class erupts into protests.
There's the obligatory chorus of loud 'ooooooooo's into fists over their mouths making the background to comments such as "Marvis, that's messed up!" and "Why you play like that?"

Internally I'm wrestling down the dual emotions of 'don't cry' and 'don't yell at the bitch.' The result is I'm just standing here like a doofus. Probably only about 30 seconds to a minute went by but to me it felt like a sampling of eternity.

Eventually the kids pull out their books and I decide to busy myself with going around helping them with vocabulary on the opposite side of the room as Maniac Marvis. I make up my mind to ask politely to speak to her after class (this class is split awkwardly into two halves with a 30 minute lunch break in the middle) and politely tell her I was offended by her comment. Politely.

The bell rings for the lunch break and I manage to deftly intercept Marvis before she makes it out the door. The following went a little like this.

Me: Excuse me, I know you probably didn't mean it offensively (I know you did) but I took offense to your comment "you're a substitute and I'm a teacher.' I am a teacher. I graduated from the University of North Texas, I've been in this district for over a year.
Marvis: You have to understand, I need the authority in the classroom and you don't.

What!? What!? Are you serious?!

Me: Well I believe there is room for shared authority... that's what co-teaching is about. And authority doesn't come from verbal declarations. These kids don't respond to that.
Marvis: I have worked with these kids for a long time, I know how to deal with them!

And then like the big ol' grown up that she is, Marvis stormed out of the room in the middle of our conversation.

I stand there for a second, processing. The first thing that catches my mental eye is that she said 'I've worked with these kids for a long time'... didn't she tell me she's only been with this group of students for a few days? Whatever. I just can't believe an adult can act the way that this woman has acted. What a disgrace to teachers everywhere.

I go sit and call my mother because I have to talk to someone. I tell her everything that has happened. She advises me to report Marvis to the sub coordinator in the front office. If Marvis is this crazy, no doubt there's a file on her.

I'm nervous about this. The women at the front offices of schools can be a very tight-knit bunch. If Marvis is a friend of theirs or married to one of their brothers or something then reporting Marvis could mean being blocked from anymore sub jobs in this school. Ever.

But she was way too rude. Marvis- you're getting reported.

I use my Resident Assistant training (haha, it comes in so handy sometimes) and write up an incident report-style documentation of my experience so far with Marvis.

That takes up most of the lunch break. By the time I finish, the bell rings to bring back the students. And Marvis.

However, there are no more problems- seeing that Marvis just completely ignores me. She makes no acknowledgment of me when she enters the room. I remain at the teacher's desk. I pull out a book to read. If she wants the class, she can have the class. The students miraculously remain calm and the rest of class passes uneventfully. When the final bell rings, Marvis books it out of there before any of the kids even get up.

All the kids flee the room like it's on fire, which is normal. However- one boy who was sitting near my desk comes and stands by me. He has something to say and he gets right to the point.

Boy: Miss, are you a Christian?
Me: Um, yes. Why do you ask?
Boy: I can tell you are by how you acted after Marvis yelled at you.

He then just turns around leaves, before I can say anything else. I didn't even get to ask him if he was Christian or to say thank-you. I'm so surprised. I think I literally said "whoa" to the empty classroom. Maybe that was the whole point of me getting yelled at, to demonstrate Christian behavior to a group of teenagers.

The rest of my very short school day goes quickly. I don't have a co-teacher to deal with for the remaining two classes. The kids sit and read. All I do is work on refining my Marvis Report.

When school is over, I take my little handwritten report down to the sub coordinator. She's a chipper lady with bejeweled glasses, spiky black hair and red lipstick. She takes the rest of my sub paperwork and asks me how my day was. I hesitate, then proceed to tell her that some offensive comments were made to me by my co-teacher.

She gives me a very knowing look and says "Yes, Marvis was down here earlier." She put both her palms up and shook her head a little. "That woman does not represent our school. I am so sorry you had the experience you did. Let's see what else we can get for you to make it up to you."

So she books me a all-day job next Wednesday and makes a copy of my Marvis Report. She smiles at me and tells me not to think badly of their school as I leave.

What a very interesting day.
I was expecting a 3 hour workday to be my easiest sub job ever. Instead it turned simultaneously into the worst and best experience I've had so far. I was totally demeaned by a woman who needs to be introduced to Rogaine and must have been absent when common decency was being handed out, and yet my reactionary behavior (or lack thereof) prompted God to be shown through me.

And then I got another sub job out of it and made a friend of the sub coordinator.

What a very interesting day.

Finally....

Brace yourselves.

I actually substitute taught on Friday. And by that I mean I watched kids read. Let me explain.

I didn't have high hopes of getting called in. I went to bed late Thursday night and when I was trying to sleep I was battling a dry cough- a present from mother nature after spending a few too many hours one night in the freezing smokey air of Lucky Lou's (no regrets). At 6am when I got up for water I debated getting teacher-ed up... but seriously didn't think I'd get called. I had delicious liquid lunch plans (queso + margaritas) with friends and further plans to stimulate the economy at Northpark. I won't get called in this Friday. I drank some water and went back to bed.

I remembered that Friday is the #1 workday for subs when I was awakened by my phone buzzing. It's either the sub-finder system or someone who hates me seeing as how my clock is informing me it's 7:45am.

It's the sub-finder.

Do I want to come in for middle school athletics?

I pause.

I ponder.

I play the job description again.

Athletics?... No. I really don't want to give up sleep, queso, margaritas and shopping for public school sports. I decline the job.

I know I said I would take any job. But today I have fun plans and I've only logged approximately 3 hours of sleep. And it's athletics.

I set my phone down on my nightstand.

Where it promptly buzzes immediately.

The sub-finder is determined this morning. The job is 7th grade language arts, at the middle school I did my first semester of student teaching at. There's sadly no reason not to accept this job. It's my grade level, easy subject, and I already know how to get there.

For the first time I hit #1- accept job.

Suddenly my morning became a living tornado of finding shoes and swabbing on mascara while simultaneously brushing my teeth- a juggling act I perfected in my dorm days when I tended to wake up 10 minutes before class started.

Me: (hollering down the stairs) "Mom! Please make me a lunch real quick, something that doesn't require a microwave in case I eat in the classroom!"

Mom: (pause) "That's nothing!"

Me: "Sandwich, Mom! Sandwich!"

I get ready in an impressive single digit amount of time. I grab my lunch, get in the car and zip down the highway. That early morning ended up being the most exciting part of my day.

I arrive at my school and enter a creepily barren classroom. The walls are devoid of decorations except for one awful poster:

That's pretty horrible. I can't even muster up a critique because that being the only thing on your room's walls is so awful.

Anyway,

There are no personal items on the teacher's desk. Not a single photo, knick-knack, goofy pin, letters from students- nothing! I've never seen such a desk... so empty. Usually teachers throw personality onto every possible surface. In one of my previous student teaching classrooms we even taped posters to the ceiling.

This room is like an insane asylum cell... with desks. Like learning is supposed to take place. It got weirder... I opened the desk drawer to get a pen, and this is what I found:


Ok.

That's freaky.

That lone solitary folder? Yeah. It's full of blank computer paper. Those little squares of paper in the top right? Manufacturing stickers from whoever made the desk. The side drawers of the desk were completely empty.

Besides the serial killer vibe, the day wasn't so bad. But it also wasn't so 'good.' It was straight-up boring.

The kids had the assignment to read an article (silently) and complete a worksheet (silently on their own). So basically I watched kids read and write. And I stared at the freaky poster. That kid looks unhappy...

During my conference break, a fellow substitute working across the hall came to check on me. I lamented about my boring day and he looked at me with a puzzled face.

"You're supposed to bring a book," he said- like he was telling someone the sky was blue or dogs can talk or something else super obvious.

So I did end up learning something on that sub job. Even though the substitute pool currently has a higher percentage of qualified, intelligent teachers (all waiting to find 'real' jobs) the other nitwits in the system have spoiled it for the rest of us. Teachers view having a sub as a throw-away day. Just find some idiot-proof busy work for the kids to slog through while the sub functions as a warm adult 'authority' figure who just sits all day.

And apparently reads.

Now this was only my first substituting experience, I am keeping an open mind.

We'll see how this goes.

Am I a Sub if I Haven't Subbed?

I graduated (yay!) and the side effect of that occasion is that I am thrown out into the cold world (it is January) to be an "adult." Which I guess means working and earning money.

There are no full-time teaching positions available right now. If they're out there... they are hiding really well or they're going to people who are married to principals. Teacher's intents on the next year aren't due till around the end of this semester, so I have to wait a few months before endeavoring on a true job search.

For now I am spending my time as a Substitute in the same school district I student taught in. When I went to the Sub Orientation, the speaker started the shingding with the statistic, "By the time a student graduates high school, they will have been educated by substitutes for approximately one year of that education." The brat in me wanted to raise my hand and ask how such a statistic was figured, after all there were no sources cited on this stat, was I supposed to just blindly believe? But I didn't say anything.

I got a spiffy red and white badge with a typically unflattering photo of myself on it (and the subtly long word SUBSTITUTE down the side in notice-me-red) and on the back a list of all the color codes for the various lockdowns my school district can possibly experience. That's comforting... but not surprising. I've been in this district a year already.

At the orientation, I was informed that the automated sub-finding system (didn't battleships have those in World War II??) would be calling us starting at 5:30am so we could be informed of the substitute jobs for the day and have time to get ready to wrangle the children.
My first eligible day, I woke up on my own around 8am. I check my phone- no missed calls. I think to myself, Hmm. I guess the sub system didn't call me today. Freeeeee day!

Like any other recent college graduate who doesn't have any obligations for the day, I slept in, and when I did get up, I lounged around the house in my pjs.
At 10:30am, I'm outside with my dogs, and my phone rings. The system has found me. I answer the call and am informed of a sub job, for today's date, starting at 7:10am.

I'm confused.
I have to reject the job because:
1. I'm confused. I don't understand why I would be called for a job that started like 3 hours ago.
2. I'm standing in the driveway in sweats with my hair in a nest condition any bird would be proud of. No way can I shower and get to my school district in any reasonable amount of time. FYI- My school district is far away.

I shrug this call off as a fluke. Pssh that'll never happen again.

Till 11:45am that same morning, just over an hour later, when I receive ANOTHER call, to be an aide from noon till 4.
Surprised, I reject the job, though at least the system was kind enough to give me 15 minutes warning this time.

I feel discouraged by the fact that I had to pass up two jobs in one morning, though I'm still confused about how that went down. I reason with myself that those jobs were probably emergencies... someone went home sick, or suffered a tragic accident in the copy room.

Enter the next day.

It goes pretty identically to the previous day. I wake up (this time at 7-ish) and find no calls from the sub system. I get up and start my day with really exciting things like eating cereal while watching "How I Met Your Mother" on my DVR.

11:00am: PHONE CALL.
The sub system has found me again. Can I come in for a job that started at 8:50am? I check the clock. No, sub system... I can't do that. I'm so sorry. I hit the #2- reject job. I sigh. This is not how I thought this worked.

Enter the next next day.

I'm ready. I've learned. I set my alarm for 5am. This day is mine. I'm up, showered with really well-done hair if I must say, and have a teacher outfit laid out.

It's 6am.

Call me automated sub-finder system. I dare you. I'm ready. I'll take any job. I can run out the door totally prepared in the time it takes me to squeeze myself in my classic black pants and a LOFT sweater. Heels? I can shove them on in the car at the first red light, no problem. I'm ready. Game on.

Guess how many calls I got.

Go on. Guess.



ZERO. Zip. Zilch. Nada.

No calls! 3 calls in two days when I'm wearing pants with an elastic waistband and no calls the day I'm full-on prepped. Where is the justice.

I wasn't discouraged the first day (ok I was a bit), but I did the whole 5am-get ready routine the next day as well. No calls.

I didn't get another call the whole week.

Now it's the weekend. I'm looking forward to the next week. I like to think that I've broken this system's learning curve. I regret that it took me two days to figure it out. But to be fair- this was not explained in that lengthy orientation. So I fault the orientation.

Or I'm just way more stealthy than I ever imagined and the sub-finder system can never find me till mid-morning.