New Name

One of the surprising things I've had to get used to as a teacher is my new name.

For the last two decades or so, I've always been called some sort of variation of "Jennifer." I learned to respond to Jen, Jenny, Jennifer, Ninny- just about anything that sort of sounded like what is printed on my birth certificate. But as soon as I entered a classroom, I became identified a new way: Miss Martin.

Don't think that I am adverse to my last name. On the contrary, I'm fairly attached to it. It's simple, not so short that its a spittable single-syllable utterance, yet not an unwieldy mouthful of a dozen strung together consonants. It's easy to spell, and pairs nicely with my first name. Everyone knows how to pronounce it; I never have to cringe when the hostess at Chili's butchers my name to call me to my table. I think I'd be rather disappointed if I married someone and had to take on a less than ideal surname.

But your name is the core of your identity. An introduction- "who are you?" "I'm Jenny." And that's who I am. But not anymore. Now I not only have 'Jenny,' but I have another identity within me: Miss Martin. Now most of my introductions are with new students: "who are you?" "I'm Miss Martin."

The new identity doesn't just apply to the students, Miss Martin interacts with her teacher peers as well. We all refer to each other by our last names.
"I'm having lunch with Richardson."
"Did Lockwood send you the e-mail?"
"Martin has the paperwork."
It's like when we enter the double glass doors of the school we slip on this new skin of a teacher, complete with title. Maybe we call each other by our last names to establish a mental boundary. We don't know if we would all be friends outside of school; we don't have the privledge to use first names. We know each other by our teacher identities, but who we are in the outside world is withheld.

I spend upwards of 8 hours a day as Miss Martin. The challenge for me is not leaving Jenny behind when I'm at school, but shedding Miss Martin as I walk across the parking lot at (hopefully on a good day)- 4:00pm. Miss Martin talks in a loud authoritative voice that doesn't match up with casual friend converstations over drinks. She needs to learn to relax her shoulders and not walk quite so fast through the shopping mall. Jenny is a very slow walker- more of an ambler.

With time, I hope it becomes a smoother transition going between Jenny & Miss Martin. The new teacher half of myself takes some getting used too, but it's becoming more comfortable. I don't believe having two distinct sides to who I am causes a rift/spilt- I prefer to take the cliched angle of 'two is better than one.' I believe having two halves makes me a stronger whole.